I wish i was in the wii world.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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