I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
