Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
