I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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