Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
