I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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