This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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