i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
