I murdered the dance floor call the cops
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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