I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
