she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize