I accidentally had phone sex last night
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
