I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
