He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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