My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
