This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
