I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
