WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
