I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
