I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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