i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
