I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
