So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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