Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
