you didnt know i had herpes?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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