I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
