is your mom at the bar?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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