can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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