hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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