It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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