Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
