Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
