The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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