First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
