you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
