can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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