my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm always down for nudity.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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