this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my sisters under your porch take her home
either way he was missing a nipple.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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