god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
