Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
