found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
