can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
