Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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