The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
