Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
This toilet bowl is my home.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
