This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
