I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
