is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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