This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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