So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
