At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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