well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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