Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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