sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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